When I use the phrase "I'm peeing my pants" and I don't mean "I'm really excited".
It started with back pain and it very nearly ended with surgery on my spine. If you want a laugh (at my expense) google 'Cauda Equina' but I'd like to state right here, right now: My bowel function remained in tact.
Or as my Greece destination wedding bride put it "Did you sh*t yourself? That's the question everyone is wondering!"
The GP sent me to A&E. Just in case. It's probably not this rare thing but just in case it is we should get an MRI. So Somehow I find myself in A&E and I've been handed a hospital gown and told to take EVERYTHING off.
And suddenly being a hairy feminist seems like not such a great idea and I have to give myself a shake and remind myself I don't need to alter my body for the sake of society's expectations. Big breath in. Sloooooowly out. Strong again.
I've driven myself in, naturally, so I send hubby a silly selfie or two so that he feels good and sorry for me because this is all silly and there's no way I have this rare horse thing. (Cauda Equina means Horses Tail because the bundle of nerves at the bottom of your spine resembles a horse tail.)
Then suddenly it's not funny anymore. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything and I have the stupid rare thing and Western General in Edinburgh are being sent my MRI because it's them who will operate.
I'm ambulanced over to Edinburgh in the middle of the night and woken up in the morning with another hospital gown and a cannula. All set for surgery on my spine to remove the part of the prolapsed disc that's pressing on my nerves.
My family are all concerned about me, lovely people. And I tell my little sister - "the next selfie I send you will be me with four double cheeseburgers" (the hospital had been fasting me for 24 hours by this time)
Then the surgeon comes round and says NO SURGERY.
And that's it. A couple more checks, a neuro exam, physiotherapy come to see me and then my discharge papers are being written.
And I *almost* kept my word to my little sister.
I have to be very careful about how I'm moving to allow my back to heal and strengthen and I had to postpone some photo shoots which was tough. The surgery would have come with a 10 week recovery time which is INSANE and would have meant I couldn't fly to San Diego on Tuesday for my first destination wedding or to Greece in June for my second. Every doctor who spoke to me was told that I HAD to be on those flights!!
Hopefully you've had a giggle. I'm very happy to be sharing it this way round so now you can look forward to my next series of selfies being on an airplane!!!